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Tuesday 26 July 2011

Carrots, cannibalism and chaos (or also known as WTF?)!

Oh good grief where do I start?  Surely I mustn't have had any rest at all with this lot going on in my head?

The first bit was where myself and a load of others were kept as prisoners in a grassy area, inside a castle. 

We had to live off grass and human body parts and it seemed perfectly normal to see people picking up a human arm or leg and just eating it!  I should add that the body parts were still clothed including things like wrist watches!

Then...a long haired man whispered to me that he had secretly been growing carrots. He walked up to one of the guards, whipped out a carrot and waved it in front of his face! 

It turned out that carrots were the key and we were all set free! 

So....I woke up and returned to sleep only to get this little lot...

I was in a house with 'my husband' but it wasn't actually my real husband. The sound of a Tesco delivery van beeping outside woke me up and I was annoyed because we hadn't ordered anything. 

When I woke up properly it turned out I'd been sleeping in a shopping trolley in Asda with my husband pushing me around. 

A number of bitchy women made comments about me being lazy but when I explained we slept in shifts, they apologised(?)!

I got up and drove us to my mother's house in my mini. I drove like a lunatic to get there. 

Once there, my sister was there too and we started to talk about Christmas. My mother had previously joked sarcastically (in the dream), that she wanted a Sopranos box set for Christmas so I was winding her up by pretending I had taken her comment at face value and saying I'd got it for her. 

I managed to keep a straight face so both my mother and sister believed me and in my head I was planning to wrap something the same shape. I could see my mother looked worried and my sister thought it was hysterical. 

Everyone wanted to go shopping that afternoon so I decided to drive the mini home and swap it for a bigger car (Gwyn's new car I think)!

It was a long way, but I set off and it was somewhere in the middle of Ronkswood (an area of Worcester), that I noticed I'd lost my mini and was now on a bicycle :-/

I was also lost. I turned into 'Ty Fry Gardens' but it was a dead end and it was also entirely pink. 

A horrible, rude little boy was shouting and swearing at me and kept throwing snowballs at me as I cycled away. The snowballs were softer and warmer than usual but once they hit you, they stuck. 

I suddenly panicked about the fact that I'd lost my car and decided to call in to see Richard to see if he could help. I had a large Christmas card with me, for him, but it had 40 on it in huge sparkly numbers. 

Once in his house I was overly aware of his windowsill and wanted to stand near it (!) 

Andy arrived and I panicked that I only had one card. 

I was trying to arrange with them both, three separate visits. Two to see each of them to give them their Christmas presents and one to see my family.  It was hard because my diary showed I only had Tuesdays(?)!

It didn't occur to any of us for ages that I could do it all in one visit! I also had to visit Andy in his office for some reason :-/

I left deciding to give the Christmas card to a solicitor instead (?!) so that he could help me find my car. 

I was suddenly in an office trying to explain things to a very annoying man that kept talking over me and saying that he was a barrister not a solicitor and I shouldn't get that mixed up because he was far more important and clever. 

He said I was only allowed to talk to him in bullet points of law and case law and that I had to wear his wig (which was red)!

I tried to do this, but he suddenly shouted that the snowball throwing child was him when he was younger!  He pointed to a snowball still on my back, declared it as evidence and tried to wrestle me to the floor. 

I threw my bike at him and ran away feeling really cross and worrying I was late to take my mother shopping. 

!?

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